Turning 30

October 20, 2016

I’ve tried my hardest to not be the girl who has to accomplish a list of things before a certain age. I wanted to just live life spontaneously and not worry about achieving certain “goals” but the OCD kicked in big time. Try as I might I really wanted to be at a particular level, both professionally and personally, by the time I turned 30. However, now that I’ve reached the age where everything is supposed to be perfect, I’ve found that I love the imperfect, unplanned parts of my life the most.

Before reaching this milestone in life I wanted to check off a bunch of things: get married, buy a house, start a family, be financially independent and be satisfied with my career. Pretty simple, and I felt I had achieved all those things. What I wasn’t expecting were the twists and turns along the way like getting laid off during my maternity leave, the stress and loneliness of being a mom and learning a new meaning of what success is.

Getting laid off was awful but was probably the turning point in how I view life now. It happened just two weeks before my 30th birthday while I was enjoying bonding with my son and putting all my energy into this new, exciting time. An email was sent with just a few, cold sentences and just like that my career had stopped. It was done with such little respect and felt as if I had not just spent the last year working night and day for this company. I felt like nothing to them. A year ago I couldn’t wait to get into work and create amazing things with these people. Now, I was basically kicked to the curb for deciding to start a family.

Having this job meant that I could better plan for the future and handle my new responsibilities without worry. Then they tore the rug out from under me. I didn’t want to be working for a corporation that didn’t support family life but it turned out I was. They laid me off without thought, and I’m now forced to find a job that supports my new life and pays just as well without taking focus away from my family.

Not having a job is something I’ve worried about nonstop my whole adult life. It’s important to me to feel secure financially, especially with a family to care for. But you know what? Now that it happened I’m happier. Deep down I didn’t want to be at sitting at a desk all day. I have a lot of creative energy and know there’s a much better way of channeling it than what I was doing. A year ago, or even a few months ago, I wouldn’t have thought that. Success in business meant to have a certain title, get a certain salary and obtain a certain amount of respect from my work. Now I realize that I feel much more successful doing side jobs, putting my energy into projects that I’m proud of, and bringing more happiness into my work. I’m not worried about what the future will bring for now. Instead it’s time to take life day by day, learn to appreciate all the small things, get to know myself better, enjoy being a mom and stop worrying about getting things off that list. Everything else will work itself out for the time being.

Feeling this way feels right now that my son is here. For the first time nothing else really matters. It’s strange to realize this since for a while I wasn’t sure I wanted to start a family and my husband felt the same way. The responsibility felt too much, and there was still so much I felt I needed to accomplish. We decided to put it into God’s hands and let him decide – which he did and it was a really good decision. Finding out I was pregnant was one of those really amazing moments that I won’t ever forget. I thought my husband would freak out when the results of the pregnancy test came back positive, but instead he looked at me and said, “you’re going to be an amazing mom.”

Being a mom is everything they say it is but it’s also really hard. Some days are really, really hard. My husband’s been working long hours at work, which means baby duty is all mine, 24/7 and it can be a bit overwhelming. I can no longer take time off whenever I want. Life gets thrown into a tailspin when you bring a baby into it, but lately that has felt really wonderful. The beginning was tough because transition is never easy but you find a way to work with what life throws at you. Becoming a mom means figuring out this new version of life and finding what’s best for you and your family. I didn’t expect the struggle, the stress and the sadness it can sometimes bring, but now that I’m here I feel really great about all of it because it gave me the best challenge and made life much more fulfilling. Looking at Thomas makes me happier than I ever thought I could be and everything that comes with it is worth that feeling.

Anyways, I felt like sharing these parts of myself because I wanted to let others know it’s ok to not feel “perfect” and to live life unplanned. It’ll surprise you in many ways and hopefully lead you to the path that you are meant to be on. Turning 30 to me was just that – learning to feel that my imperfect life was much better than I could have imagined, and now I’m excited to see where this new path will take me. It’s time to start fresh, which is a great way to say goodbye to my 20’s.

Vintage Vector Floral

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  • Reply Kelly S October 24, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I’m so sorry about your job. They weren’t worthy of your time and energy. I am a big believer in “things happen for a reason.” Your reason is still out there and you will find it when the time is right. For now though, enjoy your new job, being a mom! It’s one of the hardest job but also the most rewarding! I can attest to this. 😊 Welcome to the club! 😊

    • Reply October 25, 2016 at 12:42 am

      Thank you Kelly! I’m a big believer in that too, and I’m sure this is meant to be. 😊 And I’m happy to officially be a part of the mommy club!

  • Reply Annie October 26, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Kelly, again I love reading your Blog. What a great writer you are. You are not only beautiful, but you are a great Mother, Wife , intelligent and so very talented. Never doubt yourself. I was so sorry to hear about your job, but they lost a gem when they let you go. That was so wrong and I hope a lawyer can help you. But for now being home & taking care of Thomas is priority. It is very rewarding . They grow so quickly and time goes by so fast. So enjoy all the special time that you spend with Thomas. No doubt there are ups & downs with motherhood but the ups are more than the downs . Motherhood is 24/7 and no amount of money could pay you for all the love and care that you give to Thomas. So enjoy this time of iyour life and you will never regret it.. Love, Grandma

    • Reply October 26, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Aw thanks so much grandma! I’m definitely enjoying being home with Thomas and feel so lucky that I have this time with him. Everything else will get worked out eventually 😊 He’s my top priority right now for sure! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog btw! ❤️

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